The Art of Zen Living

Something happened last Friday morning that got me to thinking, and I thought I’d share it with you.

If you’ll indulge me for a moment, I’ll set the stage.  I have a birthday coming up, and mom got my car’s windows tinted for me.  For those of you that don’t live in the tropics, down here tinted windows something you really do want to have.

While the car was at the shop, we had some time to spend so we went and got breakfast.

She was telling me that the night before she’d been watching an old home movie from 1986.  My grandparents were in it, and they’re now both gone.  We were also a family then - my sister and I have grown up and moved out, my parents are divorced, and my sister has a family of her own now - the newest member of which is pictured to the left.  Specifically, that’s her “Enough with the pictures Uncle Dan - come and play!” look.  She was right, so that’s exactly what I did!

Mom said it was a little sad to watch it.  There were parts that made her laugh, but it was sad that it was all gone now.  Lost in time.  My mother and I have, in the past, had conversations like this, about the past, and what Once Was.  This time I had a different perspective.  I thought to myself “Yes, life is ultimately unsatisfactory - and the reason is impermanence and change…”

The Buddha told us about this long ago.  So what else did he have to say about it?

He said that life was ultimately unsatisfactory, and that the reason is impermanence and change.  Everything we love, everything we care about will eventually be taken away from us, and if that wasn’t bad enough, there are people we don’t like and places we don’t want to be and we’ll have to spend far too much time around those people and in those places.

Some people say that this is one of the things that makes Buddhism seem depressing.  I disagree - because in saying that everything we love and everything we care about will be taken away, he is also saying that we will have things that we love and care about, and that since they will be taken away, we should cherish them now, today, this very moment.

This all relates to the first Noble Truth - the nature of suffering.  In the original Pali canon, called Dukkha.

Yet he didn’t say that life was always unsatisfactory - just that it was ultimately that way.  He said that because we are born, we will get sick, get old and die.  Not always in the order, nor will all of us do all of those thing.  We do know that everyone will die - even Jesus died.

So if life is not always unsatisfactory, but will be unsatisfactory in the end, what’s the point?

I don’t claim to have a universal answer to that question, but for me, it’s a strong argument to live in the moment - because while this moment may be full of joy, happiness and equanimity, there is no telling what tomorrow may bring.  There’s also Karma to consider.  While some of my Karma will carry from one rebirth to the next, some of it will come back to me in this lifetime.  So if today isn’t a day filled with happiness and peace, then perhaps it’s a good day to demonstrate kindness and compassion, so that down the road I’ll have more equanimity.

But what about those people in that old home movie?  My Grandparents have passed on - we grieved for them, remember them, speak fondly of them, but they’re gone.  What about 16 year old Daniel?  Truly, he is just as gone.  I’m grateful to him, for if he hadn’t lived, I would not be here.  And yet, I am not him.  I’m fairly sure he’d agree that there’s no way HE would have grown up to be as dorky as I am, and therefore I am also not him!

For a Buddhist, life is a team event, like a relay race.  Child Daniel carried the baton, and then handed it off to Teenager Daniel.  Teenager Daniel carried it, and handed it off to Young Adult Daniel, and so on.  There’s no point in being angry at Teenager Daniel for the mistakes he made - he’s no longer with us, and the only healthy thing for me to do is treat him with kindness and compassion and forgive him for the things he did that Adult Daniel now has to live with.

So this year, for my birthday, I’m going to hold a small memorial service for all of the Daniel’s that came before me.  The least I can do is thank them for getting me here skillfully, and forgive them for the unskillful things they may have done.

*Note: due to the timing, this article will actually post on my birthday!