The Art of Zen Living

Equanimity: Evenness of mind; that calm temper or firmness of mind which is not easily elated or depressed; patience; calmness; composure; as, to bear misfortunes with equanimity

That’s the dictionary’s definition of equanimity.  It’s a good definition.  I imagine that for an outside observer, this is what the 4th immesurable looks like.  But how do we get there?  What are the choices and actions that bring us to that point?  If that is what it looks like on the outside, what does it look like on the inside?

I believe that equanimity, from the inside, is a choiceless awareness.  Because it’s when we want to make a choice that we suffer.  It’s when we have a preference that we suffer.  If I go to a restuant and order a steak, I always ask for it medium rare.  Usually they bring it to me medium well, or worse.  I’m always disappointed.  It makes me a little grumpy.  I think about sending it back, but that would usually take too long, and they’d probably bring it back the same way.  So I cut into my steak, shaking my head the whole time, chew-chew-chewing it in a distracted manner, not paying much attention to it really, not really listening to my friends or family that I’m dining with, too focused on that not-medium-rare steak.

My whole evening is ruined.  Not because they didn’t bring my my steak exactly the way I want it - that food is just as capable of sustaining me no matter if it’s cooked rare or well done.  No, my evening is ruined because I had a preference.  I wanted my steak medium rare.

Choiceless awareness.  Perfect acceptance.  Neither being attracted nor repelled.  I think this is what is being talked about in the well know proverb:

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”

Sympathetic Joy is the ability to be happy when other people are happy.  I know it’s a challenge for me.  Our culture is very competitive.  When we see someone succeed, or someone that is doing better than we are, it’s hard to think “Well, good for them!”. Reverand Kusala tells a story about sympathetic joy that I can really relate to.  He says sometimes, when we’re watching TV and we see the spot about the person that just won a million dollars, it’s hard to happy for that person.  Because I’m thinking “What if it had been me?  I could REALLY spend that money well.  That person is just going to blow it.  They’ll be broke in five years.  In debt, too!”.

That isn’t sympathetic joy.

That’s pretty much the opposite of sympathetic joy.  For most of us, it is the way our minds operate.

The Daili Lama makes an excellent point in favor of sympathetic joy.  He points out that if you can learn to be happy when someone else is happy, then you increase your own chance of happiness by a factor of 6.6 billion.  He’s saying that if you are willing to give up your own happiness, you will be happy anytime someone else is happy.  If you’re willing to give up your own success, you’ll be successful anytime anyone else is successful.

Wow.  Most cool.

This is also a really, really difficult level of spiritual practice to attain.  Watching my niece discover something new, the way her face lights up with unfiltered joy and amazement, my heart lights up with that same unfiltered joy and amazement.  I think we’ve all experienced, at some time, true sympathetic joy.  Can you imagine what an incredible place the world would be if you could feel that way no matter who you saw that was happy?

I’ve heard it said that Buddhism hasn’t done a very good job of changing the world.  I don’t think it’s designed to.  I think it’s designed to change those who practice it.  The premise is simple and profound: change your mind, change the world.  Not the physical world, but the world you live in.

Change your mind, change the world.  You can quote me on that.

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama

While Loving Kindness is a mental state, Compassion is not.  Compassion is an action.  It is the activity of Loving Kindness.  Or, if you prefer a more groovy sort of feel, let’s say that Compassion is Loving Kindness arisen.  Except when it’s not.  That’s what I like about thinking of Compassion as an action.  You don’t have to be in a particularly compassionate mood, or even a good mood, really.

More » »

It’s hard to pick out a “favorite” from the 4 immeasurables.  They’re all pretty groovy.  Loving Kindness is probably the easiest of the 4 to start practicing immediately.  Loving kindness is, to me, a head thing.  It’s an intention or an attitude.  It goes on inside you.  The word the Buddha used was metta.  I’ve seen it translated into English as many things - peaceful harmony, goodwill, benevolance, friendly well wishes, and the list goes on.  All of these are good translations, but “loving kindness” seems to be the most popular by far, and with good reason I think.

Loving Kindness can be taken separately to mean different things, or taken together to mean different things.  Between the concepts of love and of kindness, you can cover pretty much any and all positive mental mind states that occur in human nature.  It is the ultimate measure of the ends justifying the means.  If your intention is loving kindness, then whatever actions arise from those intentions will be pure.

I think the thing I like most about loving kindness is that it is really easy to generate.  I’ve written in the past about my Loving Kindness meditation, but unless you’ve tried it, it’s hard to describe how it can change your outlook on just about anything in a few short minutes.  It’s quick and easy, takes very little practice to memorize, and you can even do it (although not as effectively) while doing other things - for instance, driving.  I use my loving kindness meditation while driving fairly frequently.  Sometimes I change it up, and wish for all drivers, on all roads, paying attention and not, in a hurry and not….you get the idea.  It’s impossible to work up a good road rage while wishing good things for the other people on the road with you.

In addition to being useful in specific situations - such as taking a deep breath, and silently wishing the person causing you so much frustration at that moment be happy, peaceful and free from suffering - taking a few minutes a day to align your inner self pays as many dividends as the time you take to align your outter self.  Just like I wouldn’t want to leave the house without shaving, putting on deoderant, brushing my teeth and so forth, I can no longer see leaving the house without spending at least a few minutes focused on loving kindness, reminding myself of where I need to be focused today.